I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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