i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
