well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
