Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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