he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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