Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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