im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
