Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
