i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
two words...techno handjob
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
