This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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