i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
