I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
