You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
