I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
