Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
What did we do last night that was yellow?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
