you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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