Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
