he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
