I wanna bring you to show and tell
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
