I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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