If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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