Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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