Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
