He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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