There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
