The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
