My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
