Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
