I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Bring me that man meat
Randomize
