You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
