Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
