Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
