i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
