I'm eating all of the evidence.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just found puke in my bra..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
