You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
