You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
