I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
