operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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