I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I need a beard to bite.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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