I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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