I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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