I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize