You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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