I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
