Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Help. Why am I so naked?
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