can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize