We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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