I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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