Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dear god my vagina.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
