I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
