I look better un-naked...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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