MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
