guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
