Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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