how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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