I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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