My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
